Ugly Food

Someone made a comment a few days ago about SPAM and it made me giggle.

Image courtesy of sticksite.com

So, yeah, this is a post about SPAM.  Sort of.  Don’t leave yet.

I have never tried SPAM (seriously, has anyone??), but I had a college roommate who lived off SPAM and plantains and it really bummed me out.  I’m not sure how those two come together, either.  Plantains are the kooky cousin to the banana and The Boyfriend smooshes ‘em and fries ‘em for The Roommate and me and it’s wonderful and delicious.  But SPAM? Even saying the name sort of makes you want to skip breakfast.

SPAM does have a website. There are recipes. I know.

All this got me thinking about food. Ugly food.  Food that makes me hurriedly put down my fork and dramatically push my chair back from the table.   I don’t mean the cheesy, bacony concoctions found on This Is Why You’re Fat.  That’s gluttony and that’s different.  (And don’t lie to yourself, you’ve totally looked at some of those pictures and said, “Oh yeah, I’m making that.”) I’m talking about those weird, unnatural foodstuffs that don’t even deserve a place in the kitchen.  Like SPAM!

I mean, I love food.  I adore it.  But there are definitely some sectors of Food Land that I stay clear of (many of them having to do with meat).  Like Head Cheese? Blech.  Or Blood Pudding? Cheese and pudding: two normally tasty items, but add “head” and “blood” and things start to sound seriously suspicious.

I refuse to eat the “meat” from fast food restaurants.  Shiver.  Also any raw products from a previously living creature freak me out.  Eggs.  Raw chicken.  Uncooked pork.  Salmonella is real, folks.  Honestly I would be a vegetarian (and was for a while!) were it not for my respect and admiration of a fully cooked chunk of beef.

I am also not a fan of overly processed commodities like Cheese Whiz and Jell-O. My Jell-O phobia is recent: I found SKIN (!!!) on a batch I made for my sore throat when I had the flu a few weeks ago. Totally wigged me out.  It was the first time I’d had Jell-O since my wisdom teeth came out in high school and clearly this is because Jell-O is creepy and should be avoided at all costs.  Anything that is not ALIVE and can grow skin is not okay in my book.  I have unpleasant goosebumps from thinking about it.

What are your worst foods? Either personal (un)favorites or that foods that are generally accepted by the public as heinous (the pickled feet of ANY animal).  I love mushrooms, for example, but my cousin refuses to eat “anything that is a fungus because fungus grows on your feet.”  The Boyfriend has an aversion to anything creamy because of an unfortunate experience with mayonnaise in his youth. My little sister has no food paranoia that I can think of, but she absolutely cannot have food touching on her plate.  Thanksgiving is her worst nightmare.  Mainly because I sit next to her and push her yams closer to her cranberry sauce when she’s not looking. That’s what sisters are for.

I want to know what food freaks you out. Comment away!

And I do apologize if I made you skip your lunch break.